he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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