he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
