no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
