She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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