i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
