im six kinds of drunk right now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
