is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
