I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
