chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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