Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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