OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
