Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm at about main and main street
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
