Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
