Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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