I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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