I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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