He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
