So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
