I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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