I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
