Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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