Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
