I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
