I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
