After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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