You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
