Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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