I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
