Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
