He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
