Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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