So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
