$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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