her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
