Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
