You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
