strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
