But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The power of my boobs compel you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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