i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think i have herpe
just one?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
