hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
