bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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