I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
lets start a swedish sibling band together
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
