some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She said her name was "party"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
