I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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