Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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