Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
