I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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