i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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