I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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