Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Randomize
