we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize