i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
