i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
