So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize