idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
