I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
