the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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