So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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