My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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