we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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