when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
