did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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