it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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