grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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