I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
